Ashley Levesque

Sept 27, 2018

 

Introduction: In the introduction of my first draft I had good information but it wasn’t as beefed up or detailed as I liked. I then decided to go a little more in depth on Cuddy and Gee and what the overall paper was gonna be. I did this to help the reader understand what they were gonna be reading.

 

Evidence & Explanation: I also added more information and detail into my evidence and explanations for clarity purposes. For example I built off of my peers comments about where I needed to add more context or where I should elaborate. Most of my elaboration was on the paragraph where I connected Gee and Cuddy because it was wasn’t clear who was saying what.

 

Reorganization: I did quite a bit of reorganizing for clarity purposes as well. I found a few sentences that seemed to not belong where I initially had them so I moved them more towards a fitting section. For example I had some information about Gee that was in a Cuddy paragraph that seemed as if it would work better as a transition into Cuddy rather than in the middle of Cuddy.

 

New paragraphs: I added an extra paragraph right before my conclusion because I originally had a paragraph with information on the similarities between Gee and Cuddy that needed a lot of elaboration so I separated that information from the rest of the paragraph. By doing this I helped expand on the connections of Gee and Cuddy which also helped make it more clear as to what I was trying to say.

 

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